


Spiders Georg

by JoyfulOmens (IDontHaveACleverQuip)



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen, Life for a Life, discord prompt, silly stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:53:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21539308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IDontHaveACleverQuip/pseuds/JoyfulOmens
Summary: Crowley does a kindness and is repaid in full.
Comments: 22
Kudos: 82





	Spiders Georg

**Author's Note:**

> Let's thank the helpful [Apocryphalia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/apocryphalia) and [Squiddz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/squiddz) who beta'd this for me 8'3

Crowley was tending his houseplants more quietly than usual, a smirk plastered to his face as he lingered over his most recent interaction with Aziraphale. Perhaps the greatest joy on Earth, for however long it would continue to last, was teasing his angel. Even better when Aziraphale, that fantastic bastard, teased back. So his uncontrolled smile could be forgiven.

The houseplants, however, were unaware of the actual comedy gold on Crowley’s mind, and shook harder in absolute certainty that one of them would be sacrificed that day. 

Perhaps they would, Crowley considered. Best to keep them in line and all that. Just had to find the weakest link in the bunch and— “And what’s this?”

If the plants had hearts, they would have stopped beating at Crowley’s tone. Lucky for them, his covered eyes were looking elsewhere.

A common house spider was making a home for itself between the branches of two houseplants. The sticky threads were perfect in the untouched way of a fresh spider web. Crowley could easily imagine Aziraphale waxing poetic about the beauty in all God’s creations. But Crowley was still a demon, by nature if no longer by job description.

“I’ll not be having any of that here.” Fetching his weapon of choice—the newspaper—he was armed to destroy the webs and the damned spider who made them. “Now you know what comes next. You brought this on yourself, you know.” And knowing of Crowley's punishments only secondhand from the plants, the spider found it was frozen in fear, unable to scurry away when the newspaper scooped it up and carried it off away from the plants.

Expecting an untimely demise, the spider was shocked to feel fresh air as it was scooted off the newsprint and onto the leaf of a climbing vine, which might or might not have always been on the side of Crowley's building.

“All right, you. I’m letting you live, but you owe me. I saved your life, if it comes down to it, you save mine. Understand?”

The spider twitched. How could a spider save a human, much less a _demon_?

Crowley only gave a demonly grin. “Not much fun, owing a demon is it?” And he shut the window.

-

After the events of the failed apocalypse, and their successful trickery in Heaven and Hell, Crowley had thought they would be left alone. Granted, he didn’t expect to be left alone as long as Aziraphale probably did. Despite being an optimist, he was also realistic with himself. Hell, at least, wouldn’t settle for a simple scare tactic. Especially one so widely broadcast to its depraved denizens.

Beelzebub was certain to come up with something to flip this in Hell’s favor. Once they got over the whole bathtub incident. Crowley wished he could’ve seen it all, really.

Probably for the best he hadn’t, seeing as the entire point had been to end his existence and all. 

That still led him to the undesired situation of Beelzebub themself. In his flat. Threatening him.

“You’re coming back to Hell, Crowley. That izzz an order!”

“Sorry, didn’t I tell you lot to leave me alone?” Crowley said, holding on to the hope that Beelzebub hadn’t figured out their ruse and was only here to try to reestablish Hell’s dominance over him.

“Just because you can survive Holy Water doezzn’t make you indestructible. You will face your punishment.”

“For thwarting the apocalypse?”

“For making a mockery of your trial.”

“Right, yeah, of course.”

Crowley’s sunglasses did nothing to hide the full body eyeroll he made. Of course this was an ego thing. And here he was without a convenient angel to change places with.

His faked nonchalance was enough to further piss off Beelzebub and result in him being grabbed by the collar and forced towards the door.

“Hell hasn’t the time for your _games_ , Crowley. Let’s go.”

In a panic, Crowley scrambled for the first thought that could possibly stop a Prince of Hell. “I’ll have you know, I’ve got an angel on my side! And he’s got no problems smiting you.”

“I happen to know for a fact your _angel_ recently acquired a new book in hizz collection. If your reports were anything to go by, he’s far too occupied to worry about you.”

Crowley’s jaw dropped in disbelief. It’d been centuries since he’d mentioned his adversary’s (Well, former Adversary. Though Crowley had to admit, if only to himself, that he’d _never_ seen the angel that way.) penchant for getting lost in his many tomes, and only once! Heaven didn’t even _look_ at Aziraphale’s reports! How was it fair that Hell practically memorized his?

Ignoring Crowley’s strangled panic, Beelzebub forced him from his office and towards the door. 

It was at this point, while trying to find an escape, that Crowley noticed something on the wall behind his former boss. A wicked grin spread over his face. “Er, _Lord_ Beelzebub.” 

The Prince of Hell groaned, as if Crowley’s voice alone were enough to cause actual harm. “ _What_?”

Their reaction only improved Crowley’s mood all the more. “You being Lord of the Flies and all,” he said, pausing to admire something right behind Beelzebub. “How do you feel about spiders?”

“...What.” And Lord Beelzebub, Prince of Hell, Lord of the Flies, turned to the wall. 

Crowley kept his eyes locked on the other demon, happy to drink in every change in expression. Confusion, probably about why the previously white wall was inexplicably black now...and moving. Curiosity? Were those…? Realization! Yep, those were definitely spiders! A whole fucking lot of spiders. Finally horror, as Beelzebub realized they’d continued walking all this time and had run directly into a densely woven web blocking the passage to the flat door.

After that it was child’s play for Crowley to slip out if his jacket, still being death-gripped by the increasingly webbed Beelzebub, and stand back to admire the spiders’ handwork. He did _try_ not to laugh at least.

“Well done chaps, you caught the world’s biggest fly. Have at them.”

“You’ll regret this, Crowley!!”

“Eh, possibly. Still funny though. Ciao!”

As the spiders bound Beelzebub in their many webs, Crowley sauntered out of his flat. A certain angel awaited him, and the demon was determined to share this event. Minus the life sparing he knew had locked in the spiders’ loyalty. He had no intention of Aziraphale thinking him _nice_ of all things.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also on [tumblr](https://joyfulomens.tumblr.com/) and have a [discord server](https://discordapp.com/invite/G6vPRmn), feel free to check me out 83c


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